"Got a haircut, got a silver tooth, gonna get myself arrested"

I forgot to mention in my last entry, the end of Snakes on a Plane has a terrible music video in which Samuel L. Jackson appears and I think he’s reading the latest 100 Bullets paperback, Strychnine Lives. It just caught my eye, and I hadn't seen it mentioned anywhere else.
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I went in for my annual shearing yesterday, the yearly haircut where I go from rock star to cinema idol, except I’m keeping a beard right now, so the look wasn’t so much "rock star" as "messiah." Actually, when I first saw my brother upon getting back to Vancouver, he looked at the long hair and the beard and said, “What are you? Pirates of the Caribbean?” Funny guy. He’s getting smothered in his sleep.
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And finally, here’s a great take off on Grand Theft Auto in a Coke commercial. Coke may be evil, but they make entertaining commercials.
(Slightly higher quality version available at Google Video).

Snakes on a Mother%#^@ Plane, Mother%#^$!

I just got back from seeing the movie, and despite thinking that the concept jumped the shark weeks before the film was even released (around the time the comic book adaptation was announced, oddly enough), I had a heck of a good time.
I'm not sure how to go about reviewing this movie. The plot is just as simple as the title suggests; with almost no time devoted to setup, mobsters put snakes on a plane and implausible mayhem ensues. If this synopsis sounds a) awesome, you will probably like the movie, or b) stupid, you should stay home and watch The Notebook again.

The director's previous work includes Final Destination 2, and here he again demonstrates his talent for making gruesome death seem hilarious. Also of note, I realized during the movie that I know the guy who plays the male flight attendant. I had a class with him in university, and I've seen him in commercials before, but this is the biggest part he’s had so far. I waited for the credits and saw that he goes by Bruce James now, using his middle name as his last, which is understandable, but also seems like a waste since his actual name is Bruce Lee.

I mention the connection mainly to point out that now I've got two degrees of separation to Samuel L. Jackson, motherfuckers! Booyah!

Since tonight was opening night here, before the show began one of the theatre employees went to the front and introduced the movie. As I'm sure happened in theatres all over the place, he delivered his spiel as if he were a flight attendant, informing us of the exits at the front and the back, the washrooms to the sides, and the oxygen masks that would drop from the ceiling in the event of cabin pressure loss. He closed by saying that the in-flight movie would be Snakes on a Plane, thereby missing the opportunity to tell us that the movie would be Snakes on a Motherfucking Plane. I think I may get a job at a theatre just for the next week so I can deliver that line.
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I forgot to mention that we saw Clerks II a few weeks back, and Rosario Dawson is hot. Sorry, we saw Clerks II a few weeks back, it was adequate, and Rosario Dawson is hot. While seeing the View Askew characters again was nice, and the dialogue was fun, the plot was surprisingly conventional, which is something I never thought I’d say about a movie with a donkey show in it. But Rosario Dawson, wow, how did I never spot that before?

Hotter than Calcutta

I was wondering about the temperature yesterday, so I looked it up at the Weather Network site and saw this:


Thirty-four degrees isn't so bad, it's hot, but not unbearable. The real news is the temperature once you've taken the humidity into account, up there in the top right.


Forty-eight degrees celsius. That's hotter than Calcutta right now. I know because I looked that up too:


(I don't know why I use Calcutta as my benchmark for ridiculous hotness. Maybe it's because my ancestry is Indian, so I go with some kind cultural association, or maybe it's because I'm an ethnocentric bastard and I'm singling them out as the "other". Either way, we're hotter than they are right now.)

I played softball today (because I'm an idiot), and at the game my friend Andrew told us about being on the bus and overhearing a comment that he described as "completely offensive, yet entirely accurate." Someone behind him said, "This weather is so gay it's retarded." I shouldn't agree, but I can't bring myself to disagree either.

Anyways, it's a moot point as I'm going to be in Vancouver in seven hours, and the temperature there is just over half what it is here. The next post will be from there then.