New Superman image online

In case you haven't seen it already, a scan from the latest issue of Premiere:(via Ain't It Cool News)
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Big congrats to Des and Megan, who welcomed a new sidekick into the family this week. I'd suggest Fallout Boy as a codename, but I'm guessing Meg would argue that the delivery was a little more work than that implies.
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I thought I was done with the mostly forgettable Narnia movie, but then I read this review over at Nick Locking's. Though I disagree with most of his conclusions about how good the movie was, the review is quite funny. Here's a snippet:

The children quickly point out their character traits - in wartime Britain, character trait rationing was in full effect and thus the children are only allowed one each. Susan is so cold and rational that she makes the Terminator look like Papa Smurf, Peter is The Leader, Lucy - charming Lucy, always my favourite character from the books - is innocent, and Edmund is Starscream.

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And finally, I'm over at John's place last night for the annual post-Christmas party, and the night devolves (as it often does) into drunk John provoking someone into wrestling him. As the room watches John and Dan writhing around, the ever sardonic Katie comments, "Thanks guys, you saved me the eight bucks admission to see Brokeback Mountain." She's a real pistol, that one.

War on Christmas? More like a war on Santa

In a classic comic book misunderstanding, Batman and Robin think Santa's a thief:

They try to stop him but he panics and pulls a shiv; he's been in the joint and he's not going back:

But they've got him cold:

Poor guy never had a chance; look at those bastards gloat:
All that's left is the coverup. "Team up with Zatanna"? I'll bet.

(covers via The Grand Comics Database Project)

The Chronicles of Narnia review

Speaking of Narnia, we went and saw the movie the other day. The whole thing was competently made, and while nothing offended my sensibilities, I wasn’t particularly impressed either. The kids playing the four leads had some chemistry, but not enough to draw me in. The four of them were quite bland, with the most interesting being the youngest girl. Her relationship with the faun, though, creeped me out. Somehow the movie failed to convince me of the innocence of a shirtless male stranger taking a young girl into his house.

Even more than the characters, however, the special effects detracted from the movie. A little restraint would have helped; just because you can put almost any freak you imagine up on the screen doesn’t mean you should; it's the lesson of Lucas. All the talking animals and centaurs and griffins were distracting and had me thinking about green screens rather than the action being presented. The beavers in particular were so anthropomorphic as to become entirely unconvincing. I suspect that the most work went into the lion, as he looked the best out of any of the beasts. The trouble there, however, is that lion drew my eyes even when he was in the scene as a background element.

A side note: I was worried going in about being put off by the Christian allegory in the story that has been discussed so much in the coverage of this film. It is there, but aside from one or two parts, you aren’t beaten over the head with it. The movie suffers for entirely different reasons.

The movie relies largely on spectacle for its appeal, but does not present much in that respect that is new or innovative. The large, medieval battle scene on an open field has become commonplace since Braveheart, and this movie does nothing there that we haven’t seen before, despite having a cast of magical creatures. I did like one shot quite a bit, in which the camera followed two griffins as they wheeled and dived into battle. Other than those five seconds, however, the movie doesn’t offer much to recommend watching it, even on DVD.
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I know this question comes up in reference to a lot of films, but I can’t help but ask it again: do we really need a Miami Vice movie? The trailer goes along fine, and the movie seems like it might even be good, but the Miami Vice logo at the end robs it of credibility even more than Colin Farrell’s mullet does.

We love the Chronic! What? Cles of Narnia!

One of the things I like best about flying west is the way that the time change works for me. Everyone thinks I’m getting up at 7 AM every day, not realizing that my internal clock thinks it’s 10 AM. Back home I’m a slack ass, but here I’m a go-getter. We won’t mention the four hour naps I’ve been taking mid-afternoon to make up for the late nights.
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If you haven’t seen it already, go watch the Chronicles of Narnia rap from last Saturday’s SNL. I know what that sounds like, but it really is entertaining. Just watch it, alright?
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This panel is beautiful. Oh comics, how I love thee.
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I often describe university level English- and particularly Cultural Studies- as being allowed to act like Beavis and Butthead while retaining an air of intellectualism; we look at everything and think the author meant sex. “Huh-huh, huh-huh, he said ‘penetrate.’” Sometimes we’re reaching, but come on! Tell me that panel was an accident.
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Dave’s Long Box digs up another classic Captain America goof, which Peter David mocked years later with this panel.

"I left myself on the answering machine/ Said I'm back in town tonight"

I'm in Vancouver. I flew in this morning (yesterday morning now, I suppose) so that I could make the Christmas party of the unnamed software giant I used to work at. The annual party is a lavish affair, and I've still got friends there, so I always get a guest ticket. I've attended the last five Christmas parties in a row, even though I stopped working for the company three years ago. It's my small payback: once every year the company buys me dinner. I'm sure I enjoy the meal more than most; few people realize that the best seasoning for steak is in fact spite.
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More updates tomorrow, the time zone change and lack of sleep are catching up to me, and I must go comatose.

Wertham was right!

I was going to put this bit at the end, but the rest of this post is so heavy that doing so didn't seem appropriate. I saw this cover over at the It Lives Comics Cover of the Week site:

The main cover image itself is odd enough, but check out what's going on in the letter "N". That seems a little saucy, don't you think? Victorian repression had nothing on 50s repression.
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I'm reading Al Franken's new book, and in it I came across this quote from Dick Cheney (stick with it, it gets better towards the end):

I think that the proposition of going to Baghdad is also fallacious. I think if we were going to remove Saddam Hussein we would have had to go all the way to Baghdad, we would have to commit a lot of force because I do not believe he would wait in the Presidential Palace for us to arrive. I think we'd have had to hunt him down. And once we'd done that and we'd gotten rid of Saddam Hussein and his government, then we'd have had to put another government in its place. What kind of government? Should it be a Sunni government or Shi'i government or a Kurdish government or Ba'athis regime? Or maybe we want to bring in some Islamic fundamentalists? How long would we have had to stay in Baghdad to keep that government in place? What would happen to the government once U.S. forces withdrew? How many casualties should the United States accept in that effort to try to create clarity and stability in a situation that is inherently unstable? I think it is vitally important for a president to know when to use military force. I think it is also very important for him to know when not to commit U.S. military force. And it's my view that the President got it right both times, that it would have been a mistake for us to get bogged down in the quagmire inside Iraq

-Dick Cheney, the Washington
Institute's Soref Symposium,
April 29, 1991.

I'm not trying to use this as evidence that current policy in Iraq is misguided, or to argue, as Franken seems to be, that Cheney was right then but is wrong now. I think Cheney says whatever he can solely to attempt to justify existing policy. The reasons for actions are made up after the actions are already underway.

No, what impresses me about this quote is the complete amorality that must be involved in being able to argue two completely opposing positions with no hesitation. I wonder, as I did when Clinton was arguing semantics over his adultery, if he takes any pleasure in it, whether it's an intellectual game to him. I hope so; I'd like to think that in all of this mess someone at least is enjoying themselves.
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Hey, want to feel bad about everything you buy? Go read this list of The 14 Worst Corporate Evildoers. Here's a snippet about Chevron:

Chevron is also responsible for the violent repression of peaceful opposition to oil extraction. In Nigeria, Chevron has hired private military personnel to open fire on peaceful protestors who oppose oil extraction in the Niger Delta.

I've read reports of similar actions by Shell and Esso before. Is there any oil company I can buy gas from that hasn't shot people? How about the one that's shot the least number of people? Christ, the world is an awful place.

On looking like an idiot

Here's one for Scipio, it's Hal Jordan being hit in the head, while being beaten up by Jimmy Olsen.

Oh, the humanity!
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Winter has finally hit Ontario, with the temperature suddenly dropping below zero a week or two back, and a load of snow following soon after. A few days ago, the temperature was fifteen below as I left work and walked up the street to where I'd parked. When I got to my car I put the key in the lock, but it wouldn't turn. I cursed the fact that I hadn't thought to buy de-icer, and I walked around to the passenger side thinking that maybe that lock would be less frozen. No luck, though, as my key wouldn't turn there either.

I'd heard about people peeing on frozen locks to thaw them, and while I wasn't quite ready to do that in a residential neighbourhood (or anywhere else, most likely) I thought that spit would work just fine. I hunkered down and gobbed on the lock and tried to work the key around some more. Still nothing. I stood up, wondering what I was going to do, when I looked over and saw my car parked across the street. I'd been trying to get into the wrong car. I'm not a complete idiot; this car was the same make and model as mine. Admittedly, it was a few years older. And it had four doors instead of two.

I wandered across the street, hoping no one had seen me, and silently being thankful that I'd decided against peeing on the car.

Cover remix

(Idea courtesy of John)

Things that made me laugh yesterday

Headline from The Onion: “CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years.”

CIA Director Porter Goss has ordered further internal investigation.

"Why did it go on for this long, and this far?" said Goss in a press conference called shortly after the report's release. "I'm as frustrated as anyone. You can't read a single thing that's been highlighted. Had I been there to advise [former CIA director] Allen Dulles, I would have suggested the traditional yellow color—or pink."

Goss added: "There was probably some really, really important information in these documents."

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This entry at Paul's blog, where he character assassinates his slow talking roommate. Too funny. Just read it.
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These are funny: The top 30 facts about:

• Chuck Norris- "Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried."
• Vin Diesel- "When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket."
• and Mr. T- "It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T."

(via Nick Locking)
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File this under “Comics everyone else has already told you are good”: She-Hulk. It’s hilarious. I read the two collections, and both were very entertaining. Here’s one of my favourite moments:

I was going to say that I was surprised at how good the series was, but that’s not true; I’ve thought for a while now that Dan Slott is a talented writer. His plotting and dialogue are both top notch, but what I like most is his ability to create characters. The new characters in Slott’s books feel like they’ve always existed in the worlds he’s writing. His work shows an understanding of the stories that came before, without seeming derivative, repetitive, or boring. When most other writers insert new characters into existing franchises, the effect is jarring at first. Slott’s characters, in She Hulk and in his and Ryan Sook’s Arkham Asylum mini, fit so well that I’m always sure that I’ve seen them before.

The two tpbs I read had two artists, Juan Bobillo and Paul Pelletier, and while both do good work, I like Bobillo’s stuff much better in this series. His rounded characters seem more human, which fits the gentler tone of Slott's writing.
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We’ve got a customer who comes in and he reeks of tobacco; I’m not sure if it’s cigarettes, or a pipe, or chew, or what, but he smells up the whole place. He was in yesterday just as we were closing, and after he left me and the other guy working, Scott, talked about how much this guy smells. I said that I guessed the guy must smoke a hell of a lot, to which Scott responded, “No, I know people who smoke constantly and they don’t smell like that. That guy smells like he smokes and then takes all his ashtrays and dumps them in a plastic bag and pours water into it and then pours it over his head.”

Well, it made me laugh.
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And finally, here’s a link to a slideshow of Thor rolling a joint. Watch the whole thing, it gets funnier as it goes.